lordofthering | IC SUGGESTION BOX

[Where he is: a cranny on the mountain side by the springs, because he can get here faster than most people. And away, quickly, if he hears others coming up. Normally. Teleporters cheat.]

Oh my god!?!

[He forgot she could do that, and flails for a second as half his reflexes - especially the cat ones - insist he should jump away. Even once he recovers, he presses a hand to his chest like he should be feeling a heartbeat wildly hammering. Dang, Ringmaster.]

...Right! So. You may have noticed, the last couple weeks, that I had been... abducted. Snatched right from the concert with musical wiles. Taken away to be inculcated to a dreadful notion of needing to destroy the world... and then, unleashed like that?

And, a few days later, Sans found me. And, we fought, about it all, a rather personal debate I won't get into the details of!

...But it got violent. And... I didn't have my usual self-control.

[He glances at her to see her reaction so far, to see if she gets where he's getting at. And if she doesn't fill it in, then, he'll just have to spill the full beans.]

[She's regarding him levelly, and her reaction is not as extreme or put off as Papyrus may be expecting. She thinks she knows what this is about already.]

And... what happened?

[It's a gentle prompt. He should probably say it himself.]

Edited 2018-03-20 16:28 (UTC)

[Papyrus fidgets his hands together, abashed and still a little unaccustomed to... this. Talking seriously and calmly about things, with a boss or adviser who doesn't brush things off with a bad joke or suplex him out of the blue because things are too serious.]

He... died.

[He frowns at himself, and shakes his head.]

Wait, that's not... taking enough responsibility.

I killed him. I...

...I even meant it. Kind of. And, while I remember now, he has an egg? It's still... I still hurt him, very badly, and that's against the rules. And you should know.

[Rather than find out from Joker, or Yuzu or Gongenzaka, or anybody else who's found out.]

[The Ringmaster seats herself on some mountain rocks, gesturing for Papyrus to do the same. Her expression doesn't change much. She isn't surprised.]

I thought something might have happened between you two, when I noticed that his rebirth ritual had been triggered.

[And then, a question that might be unwelcome:]

Why did you want to kill him?

[He does so, perching very lightly on a tall stone, tail tip-tapping nervously against it.]

W-Why did I...?

[The question isn't as unwelcome as all the rest of this business, and! on the brightside! It's practice, for if his brother asks the same thing. With that forced optimism in mind, he sighs.]

Well... He trapped me. Tricked me, and trapped me, and... attacked me, instead of even trying to hear me out. I was... scared.

I see.

[Which, like, fair enough. From Papyrus's perspective, his priorities had been skewed, and he was defending himself. Sans had been intense about tracking him down, and probably wouldn't be willing to let him slip away.]

I think, in his experience, talking things out never had much effect. I'm sure he could relate to what you were going through.

[She offers a little sigh as well.]

By that same logic, I'm almost certain he understood that you weren't yourself, or fully in control of your actions.

[His tail stops tapping, and he considers - Sans' experiences. The Manor... Hell... and who knew what else, before Papyrus showed up. When it was him, but all twisted around.]

He knew what it was like... and rushed in, shutting me down, because he'd want the same?

[Sobering, but Papyrus sobers even further when he considers - even back in those times, Sans hadn't really attacked him. Oh, Sans hurt him with words and left, or attacked a group completely indiscriminately... But never targeted, personal, like Papyrus had. As though, even when convinced he needed to be violent and cruel, Sans had a degree of self-control left...]

A-Anyway, that's stuff me and Sans can talk about, when he's back! Or, not talk about it, as he tends to.

I called you to talk about my punishment..?

I feel like this conversation is punishment enough, on its own.

[She looks him over, arching an eyebrow. She does hope they actually talk about it. Both of them are very difficult, in their own ways.]

I'm not sure what you're looking for, Papyrus. I'm not going to punish you for something you were compelled to do by the Void, even if the consequences were terrible.

[As families do, some of those difficulties are habits of pushing too hard to be unlike the other's sort of difficulty. Reactions, of trying not to be what he dislikes.]

Oh... You're not?

[He's startled, and looks right back at her again.]

I thought... Not a punishment, but, an opportunity of self-reflection. Like running a gauntlet! One where the important thing is, not getting to the end, even though that's important too, but that you really try.

[Papyrus leans back, looks up at the sky.]

But... If that gauntlet, is instead a conversation? That's fine.

[She can't help but feel endeared by him, saying stuff like that. Its like when he asked to have cat feet out of solidarity. The Ringmaster is quiet for a few moments, and then:]

If self reflection is what you want... perhaps discussing your feelings would be advisable. You sounded like you'd had a bit of an epiphany a moment ago.

Urk. W-Well... I said I would! And I'm not a skeleton to go against his word. Which is, uh...

[He takes a minute to gather himself, staring up at those stars. They look a lot more real than the glowing crystals of the underground... But are they like the moon, here? Smaller and a lot closer than the 'real' ones are? Rita's book has a lot to say about real stars, and... and Sans has been here long enough he might know more about these. He should ask, later. They could talk up here, too.]

...Most days, I know myself very well. Even when what I know, is that I don't know something. And I know my magic just as intimately! Exactly the effect my magic would have... How much harm it could possibly do... How to pull back, to not do too much.

[Even with the situations he's found himself in, out here... Others are the ones to make the call, whether someone needs to die.]

But, I never thought about what would happen, if I was me, but... without that. Not minding hurting people. Because, I never want to hurt anybody! To... kill anybody. So I'm always pulling that last blow.

And... then... I didn't.

[She has some questions, but she wants to allow Papyrus to go over this thought, since that's what they're doing now. One thing she isn't sure of, though:]

Do you feel your actions as a Harbinger impact the person you were before and will be after? The Void is a force outside of your control.

Maybe?

[He isn't sure either, but he's sure he isn't sure, and tries to explain it.]

It's... like Portland, isn't it? Not exactly me, but not not me. Different, in ways I didn't choose to be...

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